Pants 0. Shit 1.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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