Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
