I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
