I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
