cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
