i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
