Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize