Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
