I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
