You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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