btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
