im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
