2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize