No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
