i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
