I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
