I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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