Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
