Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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