yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
