So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
