This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
