Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
