you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
