Cold hands, warm shart.
My liver just broke up with me...
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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