That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
