So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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