How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
