I think i peed on brittanys purse
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we're so committed to being not committed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
