So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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