i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
