Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
