he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you had me at cake vodka
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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