she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
