I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
