And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
