If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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