Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
