so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
