You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
