that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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