We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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