hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
