I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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