You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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