When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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