8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
