I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
