Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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