come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
