dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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