My liver just broke up with me...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
