I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
