he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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