Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
