I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
