hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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