Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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