I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
