You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
