our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
