You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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