why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
