i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
