Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
