I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
