I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
