So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize