I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
