I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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