real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
