dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
