We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's the barista slut.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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