Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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