What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
