he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
