I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The Olympian is in my bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
