I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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