so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
