You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Terrible idea I love it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
