I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
