so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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