My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
