I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i've created a new STD.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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