I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
