Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
